You have been naughty.
I mean REALLY naughty. Like so naughty I'm going to have to replace you. That's right, you're FINISHED. You've been so bad, I would pay MONEY to get rid of you. I already have a replacement, actually. It's been sitting in my trunk since the summer when we first met, and now I'm calling in the chips. I mean, it's pretty ridiculous when I have to climb through the back or passenger side door, stick my butt out and crawl on in. Your duties have been shirked. You are unfit to perform.
Consider this your last notice. I will look for your resignation on my desk first thing. Expect coal this year.