22 January 2011


We're all going places. We went to school, most of us finished school, some of us are STILL in school, some of us are still in Utah, most of us are OUT of Utah (and forgot to take me with you!!)...
We, however, are STILL in Utah.
Utah's okay. We have a lot of friends here and a LOT of family. Clean air, nice people, great ward.
But where are we GOING? Is this where we'll always be?
Our ward has about five homeowners. Total. Which makes for high turnover. People come, they graduate they leave. That's our lot in life. It's not a lot, but it's our life.
We, however, aren't leaving. For a while. Phil got a late start in school and still has a least a few more years.
Two sides to this coin.
Side one - We love our ward. We love the youth we get to work with. We love our home and our neighbors. I love my jobs.
Side two - Snow. No beach. SNOW. NO BEACH.
People have been asking us, "if you're planning on staying for a while, why not buy a house?"
Answer one - I'm NOT planning on staying "for a while".
Answer two - I don't want to have any REASON to plan to stay for a while.
I'm a California girl. I don't do this whole "weather" thing. It's cold. It's uncomfortable. It's restricting. It's foreign. This is my fifth year in Utah, and that's already longer than I planned.
Phil's a Utah boy. He's close with his friends and family and has a hard time dealing with the thought of leaving it all behind. He says he's always wanted to live in California, but I'm not sure he really has.
I see a lot of our friends and relatives moving on from this "BYU" stage and going on to the next stage of life. I feel like I'm so close to it, and at the same time I can't see the finish line. Graduation in April was great, and I love not having to go to school anymore, but I still feel like I'm in that phase. I still feel like we're still here, where we were two years ago, and where we'll still be two years from now.
That's the hardest part. Not knowing where we're going, and when we'll be going there.
If we go anywhere.


  1. It is really hard to not know exactly what is going to happen and when. I totally get that. Especially if you are not where you want to be. Utah does have a lot of great things too though. I actually miss a lot about being in Provo still and wish we had taken advantage of some of the fun things to do there. Don't be too hard on it and try to look for more of the good things. I think everyone that grew up in Carlsbad wants to eventually go back, but it takes a while to get there sometimes. I have kind of the opposite perspective. I live in a place that doesn't have much "weather" and I miss it.
    You'll get there!

  2. Grass is greener... I feel that way about wanting to move back to Idaho. There's so much I miss there that it's turned into this constant that haunts me at times. Whether I go back there to live or not--whether you go back to live in CA or not--will just be something that time will tell. Hopefully it speaks up one of these days ;)